It's been a little while since my last post.. Mostly because nothing has changed too much so I've felt as though I haven't had anything overly interesting to share. I have however, had a lot of time to think. A LOT of time. When you're faced with your own company day after day and are not able to do a whole lot, thinking (and possibly over thinking) is inevitable. I've decided to write a post on some of these thoughts.. apologies in advance, this post is a little deeper than usual!
Firstly, my recovery is still coming along nicely and after meeting with my surgeon today, I know that I couldn't be going any better if I tried. I've set myself a goal date to get back to work in a couple of weeks' time which gives me something to work towards. I'm actually looking forward to getting some sort of routine back in my life again and having things to do throughout the day.
I've managed to mostly maintain my weight and eating normal foods again has been amazing! I'm going to try and start going for some small walks each day and look forward to when I can start exercising properly again (not sure when this will be yet). I'll also have to make an appointment with my doctor to get all of my vitamin levels checked and find out when I'll have to start having my B12 injections. I'm still lacking energy a lot of the time but I feel like this is getting better by the day and has definitely improved if I compare where I was at a couple of weeks ago.
This brings me to the deep and meaningful part of my post. Perspective. Well, my perspective anyway.
When I look back to 2 years ago, I'd just moved to Melbourne, was settling into a new job and a new home and was possibly feeling a little homesick. But I was enjoying exploring Melbourne and all of the exciting things it has to offer. If somebody had've told me then that over the course of the next 2 years, I would see my little sister battle a terrible disease and have to ultimately say goodbye to her; then a year later be told that I also carry the gene that led to my sister's illness and would have to make the decision to have my stomach removed - I would probably have told them that they were completely crazy and needed serious help. I could never have predicted that such things would happen. It's fair the say the last couple of years have been extremely difficult but they have also given me my perspective on life.
I try not to think "what if" with situations because there's no way to change the past. But I will be forever grateful to my little sister for choosing to have genetics testing because if she hadn't, I'd be none the wiser to carrying the CDH1 gene mutation. I feel that I owe it to my sister and to myself to do everything that I want to do in life. It's strange that it can take such life-changing events to realise this but I guess previously I thought I had all the time in the world to do everything and it has been a true realisation that life can be unexpectedly short and can carry twists you don't expect.
For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to travel but there have always been reasons not to - not the right timing, relying on other people who change their minds, not enough money, worrying about what work will think etc. What I've realised recently is that there is probably never going to be a perfect time. For me to go and follow my dreams and start ticking things off my bucket list, there will be a big change required and there is generally never a good or an easy time for change. Change holds uncertainty which I think is why so many people resist it. Even though I knew about my surgery for months, when the time actually came, I wasn't even slightly ready. It was a change that I could't prepare for and had no idea how I'd feel or how my recovery would go. And now I look back and wonder why I was so worried.. I'm perfectly fine and on my way to a great recovery!
I think if something is truly important, you just have to make the decision to go for it and deal with whatever consequences you might face when the time comes. For me, if it's something that makes me happy, the consequences will be worthwhile (within reason of course). Life is far too unpredictable to wait for the perfect timing because it doesn't exist. I know that I have to do everything I want to do because I have no idea what the next couple of years will hold. I'm optimistic in that they're going to be an amazing couple of years but there are always going to be road blocks that try and get in the way of me chasing after what it is that makes me happy. I know that after getting through the last couple of years, I can face whatever it is the universe wants throw at me (but I hope it's a little nicer this time around!).
So the point of all of this...I have set out a plan to action of how I'm going to start ticking off my bucket list once I'm completely recovered. I'm very excited to see what the next year has to offer.
Anyway, I hope this hasn't been too deep for a Wednesday night! To make sure I stay on track with getting to where I need to be, I've made an inspiration wall of some of the places I want to visit.
The best is yet to come!